Hordfest Guest Comment Log

We'd like to know your thoughts about HordFest.com, the event itself (past or present), the photos posted, or any other issue that might be stuck in your craw (pun intended). Please post your comments at the bottom of the page.

COMMENTS:

4-22-11, 11:57 a.m.
Mark,
Thanks for the invitation to Hordfest this year. I hope you didn't mind sending a follow up copy of your long form birth certificate (you can never be too careful these days!!). As you know, I have a _uge (I know most people spell it "huge" but the "h" is really unnecessary) show on ABC called "The Apprentice" which keeps me very busy, but has also helped introduce me to some of the great, great minds in America. Although I refer to him as "the draftsman" (not to be confused with "the architect" - Karl Rove who really, quite frankly, is an idiot who brought down George W. Bush, I mean brought him down to Chinatown) his name is Gary Busey and he will be running my campaign for President. Gary is one of the smartest guys I have ever met.




After the election, Gary will be my Secretary of State and his first stop will be China, who has been absolutely ripping us off! I do a lot of business with Chinese and they are not our friends. So, what I am going to do is send the smartest, meanest business man in America, Gary Busey, to negotiate with them so we can bring back the jobs to America. It's all in the messenger. You know, Obama can go in to the Chinese, and say, "give us back the jobs!", but they won't because he is weak. It's all in the messenger. Gary will get them. He will get the jobs back. It will be _uge what Gary does for us!

Mark, I'm afraid I can't go to your party. I'm working now on my financial disclosure report, and let me tell you, it's going to knock your socks off. I mean _uge. I have done very, very well for myself as you will see when I release the report. No one knew, Mark. No one knew that my statements, as you will see, are as good as this. No one. Just wait. It's big.... uge! You'll see. Everyone will see.

Sincerely,
Donald (delivered by Trump's campaign manager, speech consultant and hairstylist -- Gregg Appel)








04-25-09, 11:01 a.m.
Dear Mark,
Thank you for continuing to include me and the Appel family on your annual invitation list for Hordfest. Although we have not attended in recent years, we are strongly considering it this year. This consideration comes despite what can only be described, quite frankly, as a sub-par year for Hordfest invitations. I know your talent and capabilities in this area, and I have to say you are holding back this year. Is it the economy? Depression over the election of a neo-socialist to the highest office in the land? Your recent frantic efforts to re-populate the country's dwindling Scandinavian-American population before the inevitable onslaught of erectile disfunction and low sperm count force you out of the race? What? Part of the reason we don't go to Hordfest is that the invitation is more fun than the party. This year, I'm just a little disappointed. Where are the talking monkeys? The political satire? No cajun crawfish? Give me a break!

So, in the absence of a well thought out, entertaining invitation, we are thinking about actually coming to Hordfest. But before I commit on behalf of myself and my family, I have a few questions. As you would expect, I have carefully reviewed your website photo gallery for signs of debautchery and other disreputable behavior. Please respond to the pictures and comments below, so that I can make a more informed decision for the health and well being of my family.

Photo #1

I remember these guys. My problem is that you and Jensen apparently missed the memo about growing a pot belly when you hit 40... (Duncan and Glenn seem ok)

Photo #2

What's with the crossed legs?? Awkward...

Photo #3

What's that thing under his lip? Is that alive?

 

Photo #4

I'm not even going to ask about this one. I'm just going to pretend I never saw it...

Kind Regards,
Gregg Appel a.k.a. Buffalo Bob



04-25-09, 12:43 p.m.
Mark:
Sorry I'm going to have to miss HordFest this year -- sounds like a blast! I'm still too busy undermining our government's intelligence capabilities, distorting the intentions and motives of my political opponents, redistributing the wealth, appointing tax cheats to cabinet positions, emboldening the countries who most threaten world peace, and otherwise taking advantage of the current worldwide economic crisis to benefit my leftist political agenda, to attend this year.
The good news is that I should be finished by next spring, so I expect to be there next year!
Party on,
Barack


04-25-09, 12:44 p.m.
My Friends:
You may not know that I was once in a Vietnamese prison camp. That experience shaped me and my political views and further instilled a love of country in me that continues unabated to this day. It is with the utmost humility that I embarked upon a campaign to serve this country that has given me so much, so that I may in some measure repay the blessings I have enjoyed as an American.

My friends, although that campaign was unsuccessful, after the loss you may have noticed that I was able to restrain myself from one of my trademark explosions of rage, at least in public. Further, I am in the process of rebuilding my reputation as a "maverick" by embracing any position -- no matter how at odds it may be with reason, logic, or any known political philosophy -- in an effort to recapture the rapturous praise I have traditionally received from the Washington press corp (until I captured the Republican nomination last year, that is, after which that support mysteriously and suddenly disappeared). As we all know, nothing endears a politician to the American press more than to undermine the Republican Party, especially from within.

My friends, in closing I must admit two things: (i) you are not really my friends, I just say that in a futile effort to appear likeable and ingratiate myself to you, and (ii) none of this has anything to do with HordFest. Rather, I heard that a new media outlet had been created here, and that even our esteemed and eminently talented President had posted here. Hence, this message to you.

Sincerely,
John McCain



04-25-09, 1:54 p.m.
Mark and Lisa -- We've been to HordFest twice now and have had such a memorable time on both occasions. Whitney somehow managed to slam her thumb in the sliding glass door the first time -- what a hoot! The ensuing surgery and physical therapy were fond reminders of the good times we had at our first HordFest.
Then who can forget last year when Angus ignored all advice and admonitions and jumped off the boat house roof into the three foot deep section of the lake 14 feet below, landing in a riverbed covered with nice sharp rocks -- good times! Are the tribal art ritual-style renderings he did with his bleeding foot still on your new dock? Greatness!

We wouldn't miss this year for the world!
xxoo
-- Whitney and Angus Spendless
p.s. Do you mind if we bring a woodchipper to the party this year for us to play with in the yard?

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Revised: 29 Apr 2009 18:41:44 -0700 .